Being Your Own Jiki
Several months ago, one of our experienced students observed that the Virtual Dojo was helping her to “be one person,” rather than the person who went to the dojo and the other person she was in her daily life. This statement has resonated broadly with those training in the Virtual Dojo during the COVID-19 pandemic, when our homes have become both dojos and workplaces. One explanation is that sharing intimate views of our lives with colleagues may increase our vulnerability and result in a greater freedom to be ourselves. Another explanation is that we are bringing more of the being we cultivate through Zen training to our work and family lives.
When we started online Daily Zazen in March, the intended atmosphere of the Virtual Dojo was warm and welcoming, while endeavoring to provide a sturdy container for students to resolve dualism (mind/body, self/universe, and life/death). The slogan of our tradition is “kiai before ma-ai,” or emphasizing energy above form. In practice, we also recognize how attention to form builds kiai towards transformation. Online, we continue to explore which forms are essential for training because effective micromanagement through the internet is not possible. Instead, each student has been given increased personal responsibility in the Virtual Dojo to “be their own jiki.”
During in-person training, the jikijitsu (or jiki) is like the bouncer of the dojo — a tough guy that literally wields a stick (keisaku) and is metaphorically prepared to use it. The jiki manages the dojo and the timing of sittings, but their real focus is on the group kiai and pushing individual students beyond their usual boundaries towards transformation. Like many, I spent my early training years with butt cheeks clenched in fear of the jiki and worried about running afoul of externally imposed dojo rules. I’m not the first to observe that this type of physical tension can be counterproductive (until students adjust), and that some students may become overly dependent on the external structure of the dojo and not take enough responsibility for their own training.
When I think of “being your own jiki,” the image that comes to mind is of Fudo Myo-o (Immovable King of Wisdom). His depiction is fierce, with eyes glaring and teeth bared. He holds a sword in one hand and a rope in the other. This is not a depiction of an external dojo jiki, but rather the type of intensity that students are advised to embody when sitting — slicing through delusion with an immovable mind that does not stop. This is the type of jiki we should be for ourselves. And don’t get it twisted: the fierceness of this jiki guardian comes from a place of parental love and compassion — giving us what we need, rather than fulfilling every passing want.
Ginny Whitelaw Roshi discussed online training and the idea of “being your own jiki” in a recent teisho, which I recommend that you read or watch. She says, “We're creating a vessel, using the technology of our time, to support one another to do the inner alchemy, so that the outer transformation is possible.” The Virtual Dojo should support students to plum their internal depths and be judged by whether students are resolving duality through deep training. The Virtual Dojo that arises from moment to moment is dependent on students being their own fierce jikis and supporting others to do the same.
Please join us online (choseizen.org/virtual-dojo)!
